『趕快起床，背講稿喔』，老公一大早就在耳邊啐啐念。昨晚腦袋裡翻來覆去都是今天下午幽默演講比賽的內容，就怕忘了某個橋段，然後腦袋一片空白。
記得小三時，參加校內國語演講比賽，打扮得比新年還漂亮，一上了台，完全忘了詞，只好傻傻地站在台上，撐到最後一秒鐘，下台一鞠躬。
上了年紀，多了膽識，上台如同走灶腳，反正好東西與大家分享，有什麼不好意思呢？現代人生活節奏快，工作壓力大，每人盯著電視看八卦，人越来越不笑了！
感謝陳伶伶同學打越洋電話，協助修正講稿，希望今天下午能贏得哄堂大笑，也希望623的同學們每天都能開懷大笑，過得很開心。
***A Responsible Eater***
What could happen between men and women, love, lust, or war. One day Winston Churchill and Lady Astor were invited for an afternoon coffee. Lady Astor was not happy sitting next to the snobbish Winston.
Lady Astor, "If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee".
Winston Churchill, "If I were married to you, I'd drink it".
Lady Astor, "Look at you, Fat"!
Winston Churchill, "Me fat, but not ugly. I can diet."
Churchill led the Allies to win World War II.
Last month, I got a call. "Sherry, would you like to have a brunch with me"? Frankly speaking, I didn't know who he was. Under the spell of his sexy voice, I accepted his invitation. Imagine he is interested in my beauty, my body, or hum...what? I was excited to have a long time no have, blind date.
The moment I walked into the coffeehouse, I saw George, a tall, handsome, new acquaintance at a social gathering. I called him George (in fact, I don't know his real name), because he reminded me of George Clooney, especially his arresting eyes.
George walked up to me and held my hand,"Sherry, what can I offer you, tea, coffee or me!" "Me, as You wish," I looked at George with my heart pumping harder and harder. I looked at myself, wondering, "Why me? My eyes, sags and wrinkles; breasts, flat like two fried eggs, sunny sides up; tummy, multiple layers, Michelin tire". George gave an encouraging look from head to toe, "Sherry, I think we have a lot to do together in private from now if you wish".
George was a good ice breaker, he told me how much he could do for me for the rest of my life, we chitchatted for a long while. At last, George took a laptop from his black suitcase slowly, no, it is a weight scale. George signed me to stand on it with two arms stretching forward, and Voila, the health check-up data sheet, simple as that, in a coffeehouse.
After George unveiled and he became more aggressive, selling all the slim products in his suitcase. Oh yes, George was interested in my beauty, my body, and Yes, my money. My fantasy fell apart. I shot my ears and read the health check-up, oh my god, my basal metabolic rate BMR only 1200 calories.
Now I know why I eat like a bird, but I don't lose weight, because my BMR is low. No wonder after eating and drinking at a party, I for sure gain one kilogram, sometimes two. On the other hand, after fasting a whole day, I stand on the weight first thing the following morning, the same weight, no more, no less. "Dying is easy, dieting is hard."
Ten years ago, my weight went over 70, one night, I asked my husband, "Honey, what do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" he looked at me from head to toe and replied, "Your sense of humor." From that moment, I decided to diet. But I didn't know how, my weight went down and up, up and down, I was at lost till George gave me the answer. BMR was like the light at the end of the tunnel. I found the key to a fabulous body. It is the control of energy consumption on daily basis.
What is your BMR? BMR changes with the age. The older, the lower BMR. A young man burns a double cheeseburger in bed, not at work but at rest. Me, two Kentucky Fried Chicken wings for a whole day and night. BMR changes with activity levels. More vigorous activities, higher BMR. Me, I've been married for two decades, my husband and I are like brother and sister, no two brothers, no two sisters, No actions, Talk only.
Now I check not only the expiration date on the label of every food package, but I also checked the calorie contents. If Churchill should know his BMR and watch his uptake, he would have lived longer and contributed more to the humanity. On Churchill's funeral, Lady Astor brought a rose to pay the tribute, "Mr. Churchill, I am ugly, but you are dead".
